5 Tips For Having A Great Wedding
As some readers may know, I got married last month. Whilst it was a quick turnaround by modern standards – six months from booking to the big day – it wasn't ludicrously fast. Having heard endless horror stories about weddings, namely around the costs, the stress and things going wrong, I wanted to share a few tips from our experience.
I'm not going to talk about specific tips about suppliers, or cakes, or entertainment, because there's countless guides about that online and it really depends on the person and the wedding.
Rather, I'd like to talk about general points that everyone can utilise to have not just a fantastic wedding day, but (perhaps more importantly) also an easier build-up.
- Be Realistic
Weddings in 2023 are a minefield.
Social media – as I'm finding myself writing more and more frequently – transmits delusions of grandeur and expectation into the minds of engaged couples. Whether it's resplendent banquets held in a cave behind a waterfall on the coast of the Mediterranean, or a full medieval castle hired out for your pleasure, it's important to take stock of what really matters to you.
We researched a number of venues, primarily focusing on the feel and vibe that was important to us. We knew what our deal-breakers were, and it's important not to have too many. At the end of the day, focus on what really matters: everyone having a good time. If the venue feels right, the staff seem competent and it's within your budget: don't fret too much about whether gold-plated fireworks can be launched indoors. They really don't matter.
So make a list of the genuine must-haves, and then go find them.
2. Be Savvy
As they say in the North East, "shy bairns get nowt" – don't ask, don't get, basically. We wangled a stunning deal on our venue hire simply by asking the question (if they could match an offer at a sister venue) and not really expecting much luck. As it happened, they matched it almost immediately.
And I'll let you in to a little secret. For all the hype around weddings, from venues and suppliers about being fully booked, they usually have a lot more availability than they like to admit.
We didn't have a single supplier say "we're booked" as little as three months prior to the day. Don't get pressured into booking someone because you feel you'll definitely lose them. Think pragmatically about it, and choose suppliers you feel fit your feel and your budget.
Being flexible about the day of the week helps as well, and I'd heartily recommend a Thursday. It's close enough to the weekend to easily make an occasion out of it, but also significantly cheaper than picking a Saturday.
And truth be told, the long weekend after will be a blessing!
So, don't be afraid to ask the question. Don't feel like you can't negotiate. You never know - you might just get the answer you want.
3. Be Firm (when it matters)
For all my talk about being flexible and savvy, there are times when it's important to be firm. If you're not happy about something – particularly if it's coming from a supplier you're paying – put the foot down (politely).
On the day of the wedding, our venue had made some slightly odd decisions when it came to room allocations, mainly moving couples from rooms they stayed in the night before to new rooms on the night of the wedding. In practice, there was no need for them to move, as there were more than enough rooms to go around.
The venue told some of the couples in question that "it couldn't be changed". Since I was certain it could be, I walked to reception and asked that it be changed, detailing the reasons. I won't bore you with the reasons, but long story short, it was changed immediately with no hassle.
If you're certain about something, follow your gut and don't be afraid to draw a line in the sand. After all, it's your big day.
4. Don't Stress Out
Probably the biggest "easier said than done" point on this list, but it's incredibly important to stay grounded. We planned, booked and held our wedding within six months, and it went perfectly well. And I mean perfectly. Nothing went wrong.
The longer you leave between booking and actually holding the wedding, your thoughts and ideas tend to expand to fill the mental capacity you have in that time. It's a myth that a modern wedding takes two years to plan, or needs to cost £30,000 to be any good.
Don't let the stress fill the void. Stay realistic, stay postiive, and try to focus on not getting lost in the minutae of the event (and let me tell you, they'll try and make you make a decision on absolutely everything. For instance, what style of cloth you want on the oak barrel that the cake sits on - things that in the grand scheme of things, really don't matter all that much). People will try and rush you into decisions, making it seem like it's very urgent. Most of it doesn't matter until the day, so if you're not ready to think about it there and then: don't. Take some time for yourself, and come back when you're ready.
A lot of the pressure that engaged couples feel is entirely self-inflicted, and it's driven by social media. At the end of the day, nothing else matters but you guys having a good time. Of course, you want everyone to have a good time, but it's the (hopefully) only day of your life where it's genuinely okay to put yourself truly front and centre.
In short, keep it chill.
5. Live In The Moment
Again, I suspect this one is compounded if you've taken years to organise and plan your day, but it's so important to enjoy every moment because the day absolutely flies. Looking back, it's almost entirely a blur from start to finish. Emotions, as a result, run high and it can be very easy to be completely swept away in all the excitement.
A lot of people told me this, and I fully agree: live in the moment. Try and be present in every conversation you have, everything you laugh about and take a second – every so often – to just breathe.
As ever, Patrick Stewart's Jean-Luc Picard puts it better than I ever could: "I rather believe that time is a companion who goes with us on the journey and reminds us to cherish every moment, because it will never come again."
Basically, do that.
6. Bonus Tip: Hire A Magician
Despite guests in the build-up thinking we'd gone mad, and everyone was going to have to gather around to watch someone pull rabbits out of hats, I just want to drop a particular name into the mix: Paul Lytton, a North-East based magician who is an absolute master of his craft. I can't recommend him enough. He is a wedding superstar.
Hopefully these are helpful. We had an absolutely fantastic day, and I wish it didn't have to come to an end. Ultimately, what lives on is in memory. It's up to you to make those memories great.
I might update the photos in this blog when we get ours back, but for now, I'll leave you with one from the big day itself.
